My Summer Love

Updated: Nov 29, 2020

July 25th, 2020 "Of course you'll see me tonight :)" That's what you said before I started work. "I'll head out in a minute" I had no reason not to believe that. What you actually did in that minute was send me this message: "Actually idk if I can do this, if this is working" You said the spark wasn't there. I don't know if I believe that right now. When I look back at our three months together I become quite confused how you could truly feel that way. You said we aren't a perfect match. No human is perfect, so a perfect match and relation- ship doesn't exist. I thought we were a pretty good match and until the second you left, I didn't know you didn't fully agree with that. Getting that message was a big shock to me. You said you're a pretty miserable guy and you couldn't pretend to be happier than you are. I understand what you said, not what you mean. Are you truly more miserable than you made it seem, do you feel too miserable to be a good match for me? I'm confused. My brain feels like a mess of tangled wires repeating things you said and replaying the memories we share over and over again. My heart hurts, when I cry and can't control it.

We were together for only one summer. Yet, you leaving hurt more than when my ex of six years did. How you spend time with a person matters more than amount of time together. I learned how true that is in the time I was with you. Before you, I dated people who acted good but were bad people. Things would turn toxic and I'd always see a break up coming. You were the first person I dated who's a decent guy. In our time together we did more activities and laughed more together than I did with anyone else, because no one wanted to do things with me the way you were all for. This is the first time in my life so far I didn't see the end coming. and I don't enjoy at all how overwhelming it is honestly. I shared a more real and effortless connection with you in a few short months than I had experienced with anyone. I didn't expect to get so comfortable that fast but given what my track record is and how easy you are to be around, I also shouldn't have been the most surprised. August 25th, 2020 It's been a month. Since you were on your way one minute. And suddenly gone the next. You would have cried and not been able to dump me, you said. You cared and I did, you liked me and I liked you. But, you walked away thinking I expected forever. I didn't, and I wish you would have just asked me how I felt. I'm at a point where I have mixed emotions, it's not pure sadness and hurt anymore. Part of me has grown angry. For the first time in my life someone treated me well, it was hard not to get excited about that. I fear you took it as me assuming we'd be together forever, and may be a big reason you left. I was looking forward to whatever kind of relationship we were meant to have, I had no expectation of how long it was meant to last though. It kind of disappointments me you assumed my feelings instead of asking what they were. I know it's not just one thing that made you decide leaving was best, but that's the one that has been getting to me recently. The night you left I asked to talk in person to get feelings in the open face to face, I respected your choice not to do that, but it kind of broke my heart not being able to say what I needed face to face, I deserved that shot. I'm still hurt and sad. I wasn't under the impression we were 'the one' for each other, but I was under the impression we both thought it would be more than a summer romance. Whether three months was our only time together or the universe has other plans, I'm thankful and feel lucky I ever got to know and be with you in my lifetime. You're quite a great human being.

I don't think I've said this, and I should. Thank you for being honest with me about your feelings. For letting me know I could never be a regret to you. For being will to give a friendship a try. Thank you for being so good to me. For reminding me I deserve to be treated well and happy. I'll always appreciate all you did for me. I'll always admire the person you are. It's still insane to me things changed literally in an instant. It blows my mind that my mom cried when I first did because she was sad for me. It's hard to understand all your reasons for leaving but not be sure in my heart I believe them. It seems surreal that one day (may- be soon) another girl will be telling her mother all about you. That thought actually stings. These feelings won't last forever, one day they'll pass and I'll find myself moving on. This hurts and saddens me a lot right now, though. I know this doesn't or didn't just hurt me, you made it clear wasn't exactly easy for you. This was tough for us both to go through. I want happiness for both of us. If we both didn't feel that 100% anymore, than it's (sadly) right that we stopped dating. I hope our summer together was for you, like it was me. What I want to end with is this: I miss you. I miss George. I miss the fun we had together. In three months you managed to be the best thing that happened to me in my life thus far. We didn't get along 100% of the time, no two people do, but you made me so happy while we were together. In one summer you helped rejuvenate the faith in myself that I struggled to find in myself. You're a big reason I've re-opened my decor shop and start this new blog. I learned to be more in the moment thanks to you. I'll forever be thankful for you, whether we're meant to see each other again or not. Stay well, and take care.

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